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Woking Town Centre Street a “Hotspot for Crime”
April 22, 2009 | Leave a Comment
Residents and business owners in Chertsey Road in Woking town centre were today informed that their road had experienced over twice as much crime as any other in the borough.
Exactly 632 crimes were reported in the 12 months from March 2008.
Although the specific nature of the crimes is unclear, it is universally assumed that crimes were committed by ‘youths’ wearing ‘hoodies’. Many of them are believed to have originated from another country, although there is wide-spread confusion over where this might be.
A local resident commented, “We hear a lot of police sirens at night but we didn’t realise the extent of the problem. It’s like New York back in the 60’s but worse. Much worse.”
The Solution: CCTV Cameras
In an emergency meeting, local authorities decided to spend over 20,000 government ‘pounds’ on 2 new CCTV cameras. At current exchange rates this equates to around £60,000 worth of taxpayers money. A spokesman explained the decision,
“We obviously had 2 options. We could either let the problem carry on unnoticed, or we could watch it on CCTV. Despite CCTV not having any effect on similar hot-spots throughout the borough, we thought, ‘Hey! Screw-it! Maybe it will work this time.”
Police sought to reassure a minority of residents who suggested that the new scheme was nothing other than a complete waste of taxpayers money and a further invasion of privacy,
“Our number 1 priority is the safety of the public. But we also have to consider the safety of police officers, which is also a number 1 priority. The other number 1 priority is tight budget control.”
“The public has to understand that whilst the sum of money involved could easily pay for a police officer to patrol the entire area and actually prevent crime for a year, this would put an officer at risk.”
“Put yourselves in our position – would you go out in Woking on a Friday night? I think not. Not with there being criminals everywhere. Watching them on CCTV is not only safer, but we are often able to sell video clips to amusing daytime television shows.”