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Shock as Station Canopy Under-Performs
May 11, 2009 | 1 Comment
Critics and anybody with even a glimmer of intelligence have been proved right as it emerged that the Woking canopy has failed to produce the predicted amount of electricity.
Statistics given to a local newspaper reveal that the canopy has produced 45,123 kwh of power over the last year, around 24% less than hoped.
The council has been quick to blame the variable British weather. A spokesperson commented:
“How were we to know that we wouldn’t be basking in sun all year. The British weather is normally pleasantly Mediterranean… Oh hang on… That’s actually complete bull…”
The canopy was completed in 2007 at a cost to the taxpayer of £4,039,000. At an average cost of 10p per kwh the canopy has generated around £5,920 of power in it’s first year of operation. Assuming the canopy starts to operate at predicted levels, it will have paid for itself in exactly 681 years and 2 months.
When asked whether this was an overly-long time-frame for recouping the initial investment a council spokesperson replied:
“The figures you have just given us are clearly incorrect. You have to factor in all of the costs of maintaining the structure, cleaning it and so on. Our official estimates show the payback period to be more like 2,000 years. To be honest we won’t care by then… We’ll all have died from Swine Flu.”
“You can’t ignore the non-financial factors. We have protected around 20 square feet of Woking from rain, and that’s difficult to put a price on.”
Local residents have been strongly opposed to the canopy since its conception. We asked Roger Simpson whether the newly released figures had affected his opinion of the project:
“Are you having a laugh? They spend 4 million pounds to save us 6 grand a year. It’s ridiculous. Sometimes I get so angry I have to build a pretend canopy out of tin foil and cardboard and then just smash the living daylights out of it.”
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1 Comment so far
ED: We’d just like to add that the figures are in fact correct. All taken from your ‘almost-as-farcical’ N&M.