Terms & Conditions


Woking News Farce Terms and Conditions of Use:

PLEASE READ THIS AGREEMENT CAREFULLY. IT SETS OUT THE TERMS UNDER WHICH YOU ARE OFFERED THE USE OF THIS WEBSITE. BY USING THE SERVICES ON THE SITE YOU AGREE THAT YOU HAVE READ AND ACCEPT THESE TERMS AND CONDITIONS AND THAT THEY SHALL APPLY TO YOUR USE. IF YOU DO NOT WISH TO BE BOUND BY THEM, PLEASE LEAVE THIS WEBSITE IMMEDIATELY.

This Agreement is made between you and the owner of www.wokingnewsfarce.co.uk (Also referred to as “Us”, “We”, “Our”).

www.wokingnewsfarce.co.uk is a satire (or ’spoof’) news site – this means that all the stories are purely for entertainment and are NOT true. We accept no responsibility for the accuracy or otherwise of this information.

Our site:

The content on this site is made-up. Where real names of people and places are used, any comments, quotes etc. are completely untrue. Given how ridiculous the news can sometimes be, from time to time we might accidentally make-up something that turns out to be true. This is not intentional.

What you should do:

To use our website, we need you to agree to these terms and conditions, and any additional terms and conditions which shall apply to your use of wokingnewsfarce.co.uk.

When using wokingnewsfarce.co.uk you agree:

not to do anything which will or might damage, interfere with, disrupt access to, interrupt or impair the functionality of the material available on the site;

not to post, distribute or otherwise upload any defamatory, offensive, infringing, obscene, indecent or otherwise unlawful or objectionable material or information or send any chain letters, junk mail, ’spamming’ material or any other form of bulk communication (regardless of whether you and/or your friends think it’s funny);

not to threaten, harass, stalk, abuse, disrupt or otherwise violate the rights of others, including individuals’ privacy rights; not to make any unauthorised, false or fraudulent orders, bookings or request for services;

not to obtain or attempt to obtain unauthorised access to the sites or any private or member account areas on the sites;

not do, cause or permit anything to be done that may infringe, damage or interfere with any intellectual property rights of the website ownder or third parties. Also, not to do anything that is otherwise unlawful or which may cause any liability for us.

If you send us or post any material or other information to wokingnewsfarce.co.uk you agree the website owner will not treat this information as confidential and we will be free to keep and republish this information and reuse it as we see fit. You agree to give up your rights to be identified as the author of this information and to object to any use of this information by us.

Why you should do the above:

If we consider that you have breached any of these terms and conditions or have otherwise demonstrated inappropriate conduct when using the wokingnewsfarce.co.uk website we reserve the right to:

delete any material or content which you may have posted without notice to you;

discontinue your subscriptions to additional services offered through the site; and

take measures (including terminating, suspending or restricting your access) to prevent you from using wokingnewsfarce.co.uk.

If your conduct on or use of wokingnewsfarce.co.uk causes us loss, damage or other costs, you shall be responsible for reimbursing these costs.

Our promise to you

Nothing in these terms and conditions affects your legal rights as a consumer.

It’s important to note that using the Internet does have its dangers. We take reasonable steps to ensure a fast and reliable service, but we can’t be held responsible for:

the security of wokingnewsfarce.co.uk

for any damage, loss of, or corruption of any data, information or material or viruses that may infect your computer equipment or other property

breach of security by hackers as a result of your use of wokingnewsfarce.co.uk.

We are not responsible for any injury, loss, claim, damage, or any indirect, incidental or consequential damages of any kind (including but not limited to lost profits, lost savings or revenue, or loss or corruption of data or information) which arises out of or is in any way connected with your use of or failure to use wokingnewsfarce.co.uk. This includes any information, products or services obtained through or any contract entered into via wokingnewsfarce.co.uk.

From time to time we may need to update the content on wokingnewsfarce.co.uk and/or maintain the software and other equipment that runs the site. During these times you may not be able to access the sites or things may be a bit slower than normal. If this happens, please wait a bit and try again.

Got a complaint? Here are your legal rights

Your use of wokingnewsfarce.co.uk and these terms and conditions, is subject to the laws of England and we reserve the right to bring proceedings to the Courts of the country of your location.

If you are at all dissatisfied with any aspect of the wokingnewsfarce.co.uk site then please contact thomaspr (at) wokingnewsfarce.co.uk.

Links to other sites

We may provide links to other websites, resources, advertisements or sponsorships either directly or through our contractual partners. We hope that you find these links useful.

If you decide to access other websites, then you will be leaving wokingnewsfarce.co.uk – that means that we won’t be responsible or liable for the content, advertising or products or services available from such sites or, for any dealings that you may have, or the consequences of such dealings, with the operators of those sites. Should a dispute arise between you and any third party, we’ll do our best to help you resolve it, but we can’t be responsible for any loss or damage.

We expressly reserve the right to withdraw our consent, at any time, to a link that we think is inappropriate.

Intellectual Property Rights

The wokingnewsfarce name (and logo) may not be used without our written permission. To request this please contact thomaspr (at) wokingnewsfarce.co.uk

This also applies to all copyright, trademark rights, database rights, patent rights and any other intellectual property rights in text, graphics, audio, video or image files, content, software, data and information displayed on, or available from wokingnewsfarce.co.uk. This includes the organisation and layout of the site and the underlying software that’s owned by us or our licensors and suppliers. You agree that all these materials are available for your personal use only, and you may not copy, modify, alter, publish, broadcast, distribute, sell or transfer any such materials without our written permission.

Our Privacy Policy

We never ask for personal data and therefore don’t have anything to keep private.

Changes to these terms and conditions

These terms and conditions may be changed or updated when we feel like it. You’ll still need to agree to them, so it’s a good idea to keep checking back here to stay up to date. To be on the safe side, we recommend visiting this page before every visit.

If you keep visiting us here at wokingnewsfarce.co.uk then we’ll take that as confirmation that you have agreed to the new terms and conditions.
Last updated: April 22nd 2009.

IF YOU DO NOT WISH TO BE BOUND BY THESE TERMS, PLEASE LEAVE THIS WEBSITE IMMEDIATELY.

Enjoy!

    Woking News Horoscope

    Pisces News

    You will catch a rare fungal infection inbetween your toes. Don't tell your friends, but do see a doctor.

    Aquarius News

    You will be forced to make a difficult decision. Our advice? Choose the donut. The one with the sprinkles.

    Capricorn News

    Start using an electric toothbrush for that dentist-clean feeling.

    Sagittarius News

    This month, the intertwining planets bring you great wisdom. You should bookmark this website and share it with your friends on Facebook. Now.

    Scorpio News

    Learn to fart in tune and you will reap the sweet sweet rewards of life.

    Libra News

    This is a bad month for leaving the house. Maybe consider internet shopping and knitting.

    Virgo News

    You are not spending enough of your life playing addicting internet games. Is this truly your decision, or are you just plain scared?

    Leo News

    A cloud obscures your future this month. It might be good, it might not. It might be cloudy. Things should be just fine, or should they?

    Cancer News

    You should bake a cake. Cover it with sprinkles and love.

    Gemini News

    This month, you must discover the hidden writer within. Why not write an article for a local spoof online newspaper and email it to the editor? If you don't do this you will almost certainly die.

    Taurus News

    Your star sign the bull is making you as horny as a hotdog. Try to steer clear of the opposite gender to avoid turning into a drooling pervert.

    Aries News

    A comet inadvertently flew into Jupiter, your home planet. Beware of unexpected collisions. Is your car insurance up to date?